I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
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My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
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Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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