How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
