So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My breasts were aching with rage.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
