apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
being pregnant is like rehab
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
he just fucked me for my cheese..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
