I'm drive I can fine osifer
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
