My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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