Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
