3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
