i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize