he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
