you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize