We're like a lot better than the average bears
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
