I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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