it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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