Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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