Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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