This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
