I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize