We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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