yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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