you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
