Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
