yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
