im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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