fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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