I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
