i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
