you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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