I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
