yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
