Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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