"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
