wat bout pragnant strippers??
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Oh god it's open bar.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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