My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just pee around me
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
