Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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