Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
