Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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