but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Randomize
