i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
