I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
birth control should be required to get into college
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
