jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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