I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
