cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
