It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
