IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
