i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I supernannyed him into submission
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
