i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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