So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize