I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
