Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize