im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
