i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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