i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
