eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
