hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
