Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
