Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Found the puke drawer
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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