you traded sex for a burrito?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
