areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
