Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
God I need to hump something, right now.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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