Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
