Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
